Domestic Violence In Lesbian Relationships Essay Research free essay sample

Domestic Violence In Lesbian Relationships Essay, Research Paper Domestic Violence in Lesbian Relationships ( This was written as the concluding paper for the category # 8220 ; Dynamics and Impact of Domestic Violence, ALDAC 295 # 8243 ; at Bellevue Community College, November 26, 1990. ) by NightOwl? NightOwl 1990 This paper is an effort to analyze domestic force in sapphic relationships, and the modern response to it, in a societal and historical context. I chose to analyze domestic force within sapphic relationships in an effort to look at force in relationships outside the context of male and female. I did this because the popular beliefs that work forces are maltreaters and adult females are abused made it hard to discourse or see what was really happening in these troubled relationships, and what each spouse contributed to the moral force. ( Now, in 1997, those attitudes and beliefs have become imbedded into jurisprudence and pattern, peculiarly since the O.J. Simpson test, and it is even more hard to try a treatment on these issues. In an increasing figure of occasions, the Torahs passed to command domestic force have become a signifier of force in themselves. However, the thought that at least on occasion these Torahs, and their enforcement, may be a beginning of societal jobs, instead than the solution, is ignored or shouted down. I can merely trust that in the following few old ages, as more and more middle- category households experience what happens when, in their sentiment, an ordinary intense dissension between two people in a relationship turns into an emotional and fiscal catastrophe because of intercession by the legal system, these Torahs will be amended to reflect existent societal demands. ) THE SOCIAL ACCEPTANCE OF VIOLENCE AS A MEANS OF CONTROL OR AS A SIMPLE, Even PREFERRED, SOLUTION TO PROBLEMS In 1985 one fifth of the universes population was populating under military controlled authoritiess ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) , and it may around half now since China so viciously squashed its citizens # 8217 ; travel toward democracy ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) . The reunion of Germany and the alterations taking topographic point in the Soviet Union have happened excessively late to foretell whether the forces that move states toward democracy will predominate. One tierce of the universe # 8217 ; s states practiced anguish between 1980 and 1986. It is estimated that universe military outgos in 1986 were $ 850 billion ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) . The top three states in the universe in per capita per centum of their population in prison in 1985, and in order, are the Soviet Union, South Africa and the U.S. In 1985, 69 per centum of the $ 2.1 billion federal antidrug budget went to jurisprudence enforcement compared to 1 % to drug instruction to cut down usage ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) . The figure of people in prison in the United States has more than doubled in the last 12 old ages. Do you experience safer on the street? Violence, and the portraiture of force, is one of our head signifiers of amusement in the U.S. Sports, ( where people suffer many hurts ) , violent telecasting and the physical penalty of kids are widely accepted and supported. The mean American kid has seen 16,000 slayings portrayed on telecasting by age 16. Eighty-three per centum of American parents reported that they spank their kids in 1985, though merely 40 per centum said they consider paddling effectual. There is a great trade of contention sing how much physical penalty school, juvenile detainment, prison, etc. , forces should be allowed to administrate. Physical penalty for jurisprudence or regulation surfs has strong support. The U.S. is one of the few industrialised states in the universe that has no cosmopolitan wellness insurance, no province supported child care for every kid who needs it, and that allows the decease punishment. A FEW OF THE FORCES AND BELIEFS THAT SHAPE US AS A NATION AND AS INDIVIDUALS, PARTICULARLY REGARDING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS In 1985, 57 per centum of American adult females believed in love at first sight, and 66 per centum of work forces did. Thirty-nine per centum of American fifth-graders reported that they were in love. Merely seven per centum of adolescents reported that their favourite vocals were about sex, force, diabolism or drugs, while 26 per centum liked love vocals the best. Local and national Miss America competitions were # 1 among all beginnings of college scholarship money for American adult females. Approximately 40 per centum of the entire fiction book market in the U.S. is Romance novels and about 25 per centum of American adult females over age 18 read them obsessively at a rate of 8-12 per month. The subjects of # 8220 ; the more powerful, and slightly opprobrious, somewhat older male foremost defying and so falling in love with and being transformed by the # 8220 ; love # 8221 ; of the pure, and instead guiltless, adult female # 8221 ; are permeant. Attempts at communicating between these two foreigner species in the book, the male species and the female species, is presented as being confused and near to impossible. The scenario of the adult female being abused, battered and even raped many times in the book by the hero and/or other males before the # 8220 ; love conquers all differences and they get merrily married of all time after # 8221 ; stoping is besides permeant. # 8220 ; Pretty Woman # 8221 ; , one of the largest grossing films of the twelvemonth, is a perfect illustration of the criterion # 8220 ; love affair # 8221 ; genre and the American ideal of love and relationships. In the book, # 8220 ; Swept Away, Why Womans Fear Their Own Sexuality # 8221 ; , Carol Cassell provinces, # 8220 ; We are invariably bombarded with the message that love affair is the ultimate end for a adult female and the lone acceptable rational for her desire. Equally shortly as a adult female feels a physical jerk for a adult male, she transforms it into a romantic play # 8212 ; wonderfully, gleefully she begins to float into love because she is aroused. Transported and transformed, she becomes Swept Away. But when a relationship begins because of a phantasy, and non because of a clear-sighted appraisal of who the adult female is, who the adult male is, and what they each want and expect, semblances are bound to crumple. We exchange the brief minutes of euphory we get when we # 8220 ; autumn in love # 8221 ; for long hours of depression, choler, and ill will when an brush doesn # 8217 ; t follow the fabricated class we have plotted. # 8221 ; In 1982, Harlequin Enterprises, Inc. entirely sold 109 million love affair novels, chiefly to adult females. Love affair novels are womens # 8217 ; erotica. They portray the perfect romantic fantasy American adult females have been socialized to believe is possible, desirable, and the yardstick by which they and their intimate relationships should be measured. There are many other publishing houses of this type of novel, plus the huge bulk of merchandises sold in the U.S. usage sex and/or love affair as the hook to increase gross revenues. Our consumer driven society requires a immense market for apparels, make- up, autos, bigger places, and work forces and adult females seduced by the thought that merely when they get these ideal goods will they get the ideal relationship that will run into all their demands, make up for every letdown and do their life complete. There is a batch of money to be made in selling the American dream, and there is a batch of money to be made in converting adult females that they should non truly strive for equality in all countries, to go full grownup spouses in relationships, alternatively hold some # 8220 ; true love # 8221 ; . Arnold Lazarus, writer of # 8220 ; Marital Myths # 8221 ; lists # 8220 ; Husbands and Wives Should Be Best Friends # 8221 ; as myth # 1, and # 8220 ; Romantic Love Makes A Good Marriage # 8221 ; as myth # 2. After indicating out that matrimony licences are issued by the province with no demand to turn out competence to get one, he suggests that # 8220 ; If people wrote out occupation descriptions, to the full naming precisely what they wished to give and acquire from matrimony, and if each possible spouse studied the other # 8217 ; s lists before acquiring engaged, much heartache and many dotted hopes could be averted. To make this we would hold to analyze love and love affair, masculine and feminine, and many more of our precious hopes and dreams. While Americans believe in love affair, they besides are going more and more scared of each other, without much footing in fact. In 1985 53 per centum of Americans believed that offense was increasing in the country in which they live, while the existent offense rate had gone down 16 per centum. Forty-five per centum of Americans neer read books, 39 per centum neer go to the films. But the telecasting is on seven hours per twenty-four hours in the mean American place ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) . All over the universe the gait of alteration is increasing and societies feel as if they are whirling out of control, as every 8 old ages the entire sum of information stored in the libraries and computing machines of the universe doubles ( Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book ) . These are merely few of the forces behind the increased force per unit area on relationships in the U.S. In the industrialised universe, the United States has twice the single teenage birth rate as the following two highest rivals, Great Britain and Canada, and seven times the rate of the lowest, The Netherlands. The U.S. besides has a immense societal motion to forestall teens, ( and grownups ) both male and female, from geting accurate and realistic information about gender, feasible contraceptive method or entree to medically supervised abortion. The addition in population worldwide is highest in the states with the least health care, instruction and life conditions for both adult females and work forces. Many of those same states besides have the fewest rights for adult females, and the most barbarous conditions for all their citizens, with adult females and kids frequently enduring the most. In the sentiment of many people, this increasing universe population may take to the prostration of universe environment. THE HISTORY OF THE MODERN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MOVEMENT IN THE U.S. The modern response to domestic force came out of the Women # 8217 ; s Liberation Movement which began in the 1960 # 8217 ; s. As the adult females who participated in the Civil Rights Movement and the Anti-Vietnam war motion began to use the same category analysis to their ain position in society, all snake pit broke free. At first the work forces in those motions wholly rejected any suggestion that they were suppressing the adult females working by their sides and the suggestion that they, in fact, were the receivers of the same kinds of privileges and wagess from their subjugation of adult females that Caucasians got from the subjugation of Afro- Americans and that Americans got from the subjugation of Third World peoples. There were some truly monumental confrontations. Over clip, and out of a willingness on the portion of some of the adult females and fewer of the work forces in these motions, the thought of doing the personal political and the political personal arose and # 8220 ; consciousness raising # 8221 ; was born. The attempt to understand how the traditions of society form the outlooks and behaviours of the people in that society has led to immense societal alteration. Of class the altering demands of society, and technological promotions besides assisted in the success of this motion. As persons began making serious analysis of society, the spread between beliefs normally accepted and what the worlds truly were, astounded most of those making the research, and the people who were working for societal justness. When Walker and other adult females and work forces began making research in the mid 70 # 8217 ; s to find how much force was happening between partners, the first thing they all discovered was that there had been no old research in this country. For illustration, John O # 8217 ; Brien, who wrote # 8220 ; Violence in Divorce-Prone Families # 8221 ; ( 1974 ) stated: # 8220 ; In the index for all editions of # 8220 ; The Journal of Marriage and the Family # 8221 ; , from its origin in 1939 through 1969, non a individual article can be found which contains the word # 8220 ; force # 8221 ; in the rubric # 8230 ; .Apparently force # 8230 ; .was either assumed to be excessively huffy an issue for research or else thought to be unimportant as a characteristic in normal # 8221 ; families. # 8221 ; As the Women # 8217 ; s Movement gained strength and credibleness, more and more attending has been directed to detecting and describing what life is truly similar for households in the United States, in contrast to the cultural myths that we wish were true. From its beginnings in the mid- 60 # 8217 ; s, the Women # 8217 ; s motion is coercing society to analyze itself and alterations are coming really rapidly. By January 1978, when the U.S. Commission on Civil Rights held a national hearing on adult females abuse in Washington, D.C. , 100s of advocators for beat-up adult females from all over the U.S. attended. The organisation of what would go the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ( NCADV ) began at that place. Forty lesbians among those advocators met individually to discourse banging in the Lesbian community and homophobia in the DV motion. The issue was so volatile that it was dropped and non discussed once more, even among the attention tribades, until two old age s subsequently at the first NCADV conference. THE RECOGNITION OF LESBIAN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE This first measure of acknowledging the world of buffeting in sapphic relationships threatened the dream of a sapphic Utopia, i.e. a society with none of the societal jobs caused by the patriarchate. It took a few old ages after the heterosexual DV motion got traveling for it to get down to be discussed, even though big Numberss of the original workers in the DV organisations were tribades. Many tribades wanted to believe that merely bar-Dykes and dikes or practicians of S A ; M were batterers, or that buffeting within the sapphic community occurred rarely and was non # 8220 ; existent # 8221 ; banging, and that in any instance, it could be rapidly resolved. This reluctance to turn to sapphic banging is ongoing. However, in all parts of the sapphic community, including among Leather Dykes and S A ; M lifestylists it is get downing to be acknowledged and a response is constructing. SIMILARITIES BETWEEN HETEROSEXUAL AND LESBIAN BATTERING Denial and incredulity sing the being of and badness of domestic force are present in both the heterosexual community and the sapphic community. Peoples in both tend to first inquire the individual being battered what they are making to convey on the maltreatment, instead than what can be done to halt it. The heterosexual community is in front in conveying the actuality of buffeting to visible radiation, but in both communities militants are still contending an acclivitous conflict to be heard and to be adequately funded. In both communities victims of buffeting have a great trade of trouble in placing the world of their state of affairss, and in deciding them, whether by acquiring out or halting the maltreatment while remaining. There is a enormous sum of shame involved in acknowledging that banging is taking topographic point. Treatment for batterers is in its babyhood. There is confusion about how to place and rectify what is the duty of the batterer and what is the duty of the vi ctim. In both communities the inclination to put the entire duty on either the victim or the batterer is really common. The desire to see things in a simplistic manner, taking up sides and demanding that everyone agree to the politically right point of position of the minute, will doubtless utilize up a batch of energy and drive many people off from trying political action. It does look that our society is urgently looking for # 8220 ; those whose mistake it is # 8221 ; so they can be punished and so everything will be all right. I do trust that everyone keeps in head how easy it seems to be for human existences to warrant suppressing or killing each other in big Numberss, frequently over political or spiritual points of position. Nazi Germany, the Great Cultural Revolution of China, the violent death of most educated people in Cambodia ( anyone who wore spectacless was identified as person who could likely read and therefore worthy of executing ) , the Stalinist purgings, the internment of the Nipponese during WWII in the U.S. , and after that, the AntiCommunist McCarthy Witchhunts of the 50 # 8217 ; s, the ongoing force in Northern Ireland, and the jobs in the Middle East, come to mind as recent illustrations of the impulse to fault and penalize. While the Nipponese internment and the McCarthy trueness purgings didn # 8217 ; t ensue in many deceases, we should non acquire excessively self-satisfied. Thousands of people were driven out of their occupations and lost their places and much else. Most of our present societal reform motions, including the modern DV motion, came straight out of the organisations that developed in response to those unfairnesss and the violent deaths by the Nazis. Domestic force in sapphic and hetero relationships both can be examined utilizing the abuse/battering spectrum # 8212 ; integrating emotional/psychological, sexual, social/environmental and physical maltreatment. The rhythm of tenseness edifice, outburst and repentance/honeymoon is the same. The batterers batter for the same ground, i.e. to acquire their spouse to act in a coveted manner. The victims stay for the same grounds, i.e. being in a relationship is really of import, they love their spouse and hope they will alter, they fear life on their ain, they believe it when their spouse promises it will non go on once more, and so on. Often both batterers and victims where raised in households where force occurred, or where really dysfunctional power kineticss were the norm. Both normally believe the same myths about how relationships should be. Differences BETWEEN HETEROSEXUAL AND LESBIAN BATTERING, AND SPECIAL PROBLEMS FACED BY LESBIANS IN A BATTERING RELATIONSHIP There are no important differences between abuse/battering in a heterosexual or in a sapphic relationship. However, as a really little and socially repressed community, lesbians face force per unit areas and jobs that are non of concern in hetero relationships. In hetero relationships normally both sets of parents know that the relationship exists and admit it as a valid relationship, even if they do non O.K. of the pick of spouse. The same can be said for work and other societal associations. This may non be true in a sapphic relationship, and in fact it is improbable to be true. Bing a tribade is non widely accepted in society, and being in a sapphic relationship even less so. We have a slightly deformed position here in Seattle, where the gay/lesbian ballot can alter the result of elections if these electors are non treated with regard. This is rarely true in the remainder of the U.S. and even here sapphic relationships are non widely given the societal position routinely experienced by a hetero twosome. Since they can non go lawfully married, issues of belongings rights, parental rights, and others are really clouded. Both persons can utilize the menace of exposure to command the other, or if one tribade is â€Å"out† and the other non, this can easy be used as a arm of control. Besides the external homophobia in society, which few straight persons have any existent apprehension of, there is the issue of internalized homophobia. After all, tribades grew up in this society which does non take adult females earnestly, and peculiarly adult females who step outside the recognized functions of good small married woman and female parent. So internalized homophobia, being ashamed of one # 8217 ; s gender and individuality, inquiring if some of the contempt and favoritism might be deserved, and general low ego regard is rather common among both homosexuals and tribades. And illustration of internalized homophobia occurred this twelvemonth when I invited a homosexual friend to come March in the Gay/Lesbian Pride Parade in June. In response to my invitation he replied, # 8220 ; Gay Pride, what a gag, it should be called Gay Shame. Don # 8217 ; t ask for me to take part in that travesty! # 8221 ; That was a peculiarly clear illustration. Lesbian twosomes are forced even more strongly that hetero twosomes to depend on each other and on their relationship for making a safe and hearty life. Since hetero twosomes are happening this progressively hard to make in the face of the dislocation of our society, it is non surprising that sapphic twosomes find this an extra beginning of force per unit area on the relationship. Society expects adult females to be nicer, more lovingness and less sexual than work forces, so lesbians carry those stereotypes as to how they should be. If anything, tribades may be more caught up in the romantic myths than heteros. When the twosome has troubles being nice, caring and sexually compatible, it threatens their internal beliefs about how adult females are, and makes it more hard to seek to analyze what is incorrect in the relationship. Lesbians, being adult females, normally have more fiscal emphasis in their relationships as good paying occupations, and occupations with wellness insurance, are much less available to them. Since they can non lawfully marry, even if one spouse has wellness insurance through their occupation, it can non be extended to their spouse as a occupation benefit. If they decide to hold and raise a kid together, society does non acknowledge that the spouse who did non give birth has any claim at all on the kid, even if she has participated 100 % from before the minute of its construct in the kid # 8217 ; s life, financially and in every other manner. The jurisprudence does non let another individual of the same sex to jointly follow a kid, although this is presently being challenged. AVAILABILITY OF SERVICES FOR LESBIANS While many shelters admit battered tribades, the adult female may non be comfy in placing herself as a tribade within the shelter. She may non be # 8220 ; out # 8221 ; at all, and yet when discoursing the banging, may hold trouble in ever connoting that her spouse is male. It may be easier for a adult female to larn the location of battered adult females # 8217 ; shelters. A per centum of the adult females working in the shelters are tribades, and they may non handle buffeting within sapphic relationships every bit earnestly as that in heterosexual relationships. So concealing out in a shelter may be out of the inquiry for a beat-up sapphic if her spouse is determined to happen her and face her. If the tribade is an S A ; M lifestylist, many shelters might non acknowledge her, believing that there is no difference between buffeting and SM and that any adult female involved in such a relationship is acquiring what she asked for. Many healers portion this position to the point of being unwilling to even inquire any inquiries, so guidance may be unavailable. The shelter itself may be hesitating to let tribades to be at that place or work at that place for fright that if the shelter becomes known as a topographic point that allows tribades, they may lose their support from the community. While the adult females # 8217 ; motion in general has stopped rejecting tribades, the larger society has non, and the shelters exist within that context. Particularly in communities with less gay/lesbian activism, a beat-up tribade or sapphic twosome who need aid may be hesitating to travel into any kind of reding for fright the counsellor will merely seek to handle them for # 8220 ; sapphism # 8221 ; . PROSPECTS FOR THE FUTURE IN SERVICES TO REDUCE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN LESBIAN RELATIONSHIPS The chances for the hereafter for both hetero and gay/lesbian domestic force decrease is really good. The growing of this motion has been perfectly phenomenal! While it may look much excessively slow to those in the trenches, if looked at historically, it is constructing at an amazing rate. It takes about 50 old ages for a political alteration to come to full fruition. Since the domestic force motion is about 15 old ages old, I hope in minutes of disheartenment that all those involved can take bosom from the immense alteration in public instruction and sentiment that has taken topographic point in such a short clip. I besides unfeignedly hope that many of the people now going involved in halting DV Don # 8217 ; t go so angry and impatient that they drop out of societal activism wholly. Social alteration takes a long clip and there is no other manner to make it. If these were simple jobs, we would hold solved them by now. Many sincere, well-meaning people work on societal issues from many different points of position. Peoples who do non hold to the one perfect solution do non hold to be seen as enemies. Bing a societal militant means covering continually with hard and disconcerting jobs, holding to larn to work with people who have really different points of position about the nature of the job and the best solution, continually educating yourself and being willing to be educated by others ( including some you don # 8217 ; t like ) , rarely if of all time being thanked or understood by the society you are seeking to assist, and larning to take attention of yourself and maintain your sense of wit while it feels as if you were trying to dunk out the ocean with a teacup. Together I hope we will go on to work to make a society that meets the demands of the largest possible figure of people while besides salvaging the Earth. ( As is usual in societal alteration, nil turns out even somewhat like you hoped. The current craze over DV has created a monster in the signifier of Torahs and patterns which fail to know apart between force and normal human clash in relationships. I fear many people will pass a batch of money, and clip in gaol before these Torahs are reformed. ) Resource ( delight maintain in head this list was written in 1990-I hope to update it shortly. ) Advocates for Abused A ; Battered Lesbians ( AABL ) . A support group for Lesbians who are controlled, isolated, humiliated or abused by their Lesbian lovers. Tuesday 7-8:30 p.m. Name 206-328-3442 for location. Battered Lesbian Resource Committee. A support group for beat-up Lesbians, and a commission working on other issues environing Lesbian Battering. Name 206-322-DYKE and inquire to talk to person from the B.L.R.C. A Lesbian Resource Center sponsored group. Beyond the Closet Bookstore. Seattle # 8217 ; s merely entirely Lesbian and Gay bookstore. 1501 Belmont Ave. at Pike St. , Seattle 98122. 206-322- 4609. Domestic Abuse Women # 8217 ; s Network. Aid for beat-up adult females in the South King County country. Support groups, legal protagonism, 24 hr crisis line, safe places, community instruction, 206-854-7867. Lesbian Resource Center ( Pacific Women # 8217 ; s Resources ) . Offers a drop-in centre, imparting library, comprehensive newssheet of Lesbian events, undertakings and plans, ongoing support groups such as Lesbians of Color, Over Forty, Coming Out, Lesbians in Transition. Volunteers are most welcome for all LRC activities. M-F 2-7pm. 1208 E Pine. 322-3953. Seattle Counseling Service for Sexual Minorities. 206-282-9307 Mon- Fri noon-9pm, phone guidance, crisis intercession, information and referral, single, twosome, household and groups reding available for sexual minorities and concerned others. 200 W Mercer, Suite 300, Seattle, WA 98119. Business phone 206-282-9314 M-F 9-5. Bibliography # 8220 ; Behind Closed Doors: Battering and Abuse in the Lesbian and Gay Community # 8221 ; , Elizabeth Walker, MA, The Sourcebook on Lesbian and Gay Healthcare, National Lesbian and Gay Health Foundation, Washington, D.C. 1986 # 8220 ; Can We Talk # 8221 ; , Peggy Taylor, New Age Journal, Dec 1990, pgs 31-33, 60-64, 107-108 # 8220 ; Chapter Three, The Social and Legal History of Wife Beating # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 44-57 # 8220 ; Chapter Eleven, Battered Men # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 198-208 Geting Free, a enchiridion for adult females in opprobrious relationships, Ginny NiCarthy, Seal Press, Seattle 1982, pgs 35-54 # 8220 ; The Codependent Cinderella Who Loves Too Much # 8230 ; Fights Back # 8221 ; , Marianne Walters, The Family Networker, July/Aug 1990, pgs 53-57 # 8220 ; Groups For Lesbians # 8221 ; a subchapter of # 8220 ; Groups for Special Populations # 8221 ; , NiCarthy, Merriam and Coffman, Talking It Out, a usher to groups for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1984, pgs 130-138 The Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book, 1,159 Numberss that count from the Harper # 8217 ; s magazine index, America # 8217 ; s favourite list of critical statistics, Lapham et al editors, Holt and Co. 1987 # 8220 ; A House Divided: Violence in the Lesbian S/M Community # 8221 ; , Pat Califia, Living in Leather V, Portland, OR 1990 # 8220 ; Husbands and married womans should be best friends, Myth # 1 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 7-11 # 8220 ; Introduction # 8221 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 1-6 # 8220 ; Leaving and Staying Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 309-325 # 8220 ; Lesbian Abuse # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy and Sue Daividson, You Can Be Free, an easy to read enchiridion for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1989, pgs 103-108 # 8220 ; Emotional Safety as a Bottom # 8221 ; , Dana Rosenfeld, The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, Lace Publications, Boston 1988, pgs 1-3 # 8220 ; Lessons From the Women Who Got Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 294-308 Loveshock, how to retrieve from a broken bosom and love once more, Stephen Guillo, PhD and Connie Church, Simon and Schuster 1988, pgs 11-21, 43- 77, 90-95, 135-153, 165-181 # 8220 ; Mass Market Romance: Pornography for Women is Different # 8221 ; , Ann Barr Snitow, Powers of Desire, the political relations of gender, Monthly Review Press 1983, pgs 245-263 Naming the Violence: speech production out about sapphic banging, Seal Press, Seattle 1986 # 8220 ; The New Romanticism: Illusions and Realities # 8221 ; , Morton Hunt, The Natural History of Love, Minerva Press 1959, pgs 363-371 A ; 396 # 8220 ; Romantic love makes a good matrimony, Myth # 2 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 12-17 Swept Away: why adult females fear their ain gender, Carol Cassell, PhD. , Simon and Schuster 1984, pg 26 # 8220 ; Dissolving Gender Roles # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 23 A ; 56 # 8220 ; Us and Them # 8221 ; , Maggie Scarf, The Family Networker, Sept/Oct 1989, pgs 62-67 # 8220 ; Whats Wrong With Relationships Today? # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 22-23, 52-54 Night Owl Home # 8220 ; Behind Closed Doors: Battering and Abuse in the Lesbian and Gay Community # 8221 ; , Elizabeth Walker, MA, The Sourcebook on Lesbian and Gay Healthcare, National Lesbian and Gay Health Foundation, Washington, D.C. 1986 # 8220 ; Can We Talk # 8221 ; , Peggy Taylor, New Age Journal, Dec 1990, pgs 31-33, 60-64, 107-108 # 8220 ; Chapter Three, The Social and Legal History of Wife Beating # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 44-57 # 8220 ; Chapter Eleven, Battered Men # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 198-208 Geting Free, a enchiridion for adult females in opprobrious relationships, Ginny NiCarthy, Seal Press, Seattle 1982, pgs 35-54 # 8220 ; The Codependent Cinderella Who Loves Too Much # 8230 ; Fights Back # 8221 ; , Marianne Walters, The Family Networker, July/Aug 1990, pgs 53-57 # 8220 ; Groups For Lesbians # 8221 ; a subchapter of # 8220 ; Groups for Special Populations # 8221 ; , NiCarthy, Merriam and Coffman, Talking It Out, a usher to groups for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1984, pgs 130-138 The Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book, 1,159 Numberss that count from the Harper # 8217 ; s magazine index, America # 8217 ; s favourite list of critical statistics, Lapham et al editors, Holt and Co. 1987 # 8220 ; A House Divided: Violence in the Lesbian S/M Community # 8221 ; , Pat Califia, Living in Leather V, Portland, OR 1990 # 8220 ; Husbands and married womans should be best friends, Myth # 1 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 7-11 # 8220 ; Introduction # 8221 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 1-6 # 8220 ; Leaving and Staying Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 309-325 # 8220 ; Lesbian Abuse # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy and Sue Daividson, You Can Be Free, an easy to read enchiridion for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1989, pgs 103-108 # 8220 ; Emotional Safety as a Bottom # 8221 ; , Dana Rosenfeld, The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, Lace Publications, Boston 1988, pgs 1-3 # 8220 ; Lessons From the Women Who Got Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 294-308 Loveshock, how to retrieve from a broken bosom and love once more, Stephen Guillo, PhD and Connie Church, Simon and Schuster 1988, pgs 11-21, 43- 77, 90-95, 135-153, 165-181 # 8220 ; Mass Market Romance: Pornography for Women is Different # 8221 ; , Ann Barr Snitow, Powers of Desire, the political relations of gender, Monthly Review Press 1983, pgs 245-263 Naming the Violence: speech production out about sapphic banging, Seal Press, Seattle 1986 # 8220 ; The New Romanticism: Illusions and Realities # 8221 ; , Morton Hunt, The Natural History of Love, Minerva Press 1959, pgs 363-371 A ; 396 # 8220 ; Romantic love makes a good matrimony, Myth # 2 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 12-17 Swept Away: why adult females fear their ain gender, Carol Cassell, PhD. , Simon and Schuster 1984, pg 26 # 8220 ; Dissolving Gender Roles # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 23 A ; 56 # 8220 ; Us and Them # 8221 ; , Maggie Scarf, The Family Networker, Sept/Oct 1989, pgs 62-67 # 8220 ; Whats Wrong With Relationships Today? # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 22-23, 52-54 Bibliography # 8220 ; Behind Closed Doors: Battering and Abuse in the Lesbian and Gay Community # 8221 ; , Elizabeth Walker, MA, The Sourcebook on Lesbian and Gay Healthcare, National Lesbian and Gay Health Foundation, Washington, D.C. 1986 # 8220 ; Can We Talk # 8221 ; , Peggy Taylor, New Age Journal, Dec 1990, pgs 31-33, 60-64, 107-108 # 8220 ; Chapter Three, The Social and Legal History of Wife Beating # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 44-57 # 8220 ; Chapter Eleven, Battered Men # 8221 ; , Roger Langley and Richard Levy, Wife Beating, the soundless crisis, Pocket Books 1977, pgs 198-208 Geting Free, a enchiridion for adult females in opprobrious relationships, Ginny NiCarthy, Seal Press, Seattle 1982, pgs 35-54 # 8220 ; The Codependent Cinderella Who Loves Too Much # 8230 ; Fights Back # 8221 ; , Marianne Walters, The Family Networker, July/Aug 1990, pgs 53-57 # 8220 ; Groups For Lesbians # 8221 ; a subchapter of # 8220 ; Groups for Special Populations # 8221 ; , NiCarthy, Merriam and Coffman, Talking It Out, a usher to groups for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1984, pgs 130-138 The Harper # 8217 ; s Index Book, 1,159 Numberss that count from the Harper # 8217 ; s magazine index, America # 8217 ; s favourite list of critical statistics, Lapham et al editors, Holt and Co. 1987 # 8220 ; A House Divided: Violence in the Lesbian S/M Community # 8221 ; , Pat Califia, Living in Leather V, Portland, OR 1990 # 8220 ; Husbands and married womans should be best friends, Myth # 1 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 7-11 # 8220 ; Introduction # 8221 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 1-6 # 8220 ; Leaving and Staying Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 309-325 # 8220 ; Lesbian Abuse # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy and Sue Daividson, You Can Be Free, an easy to read enchiridion for abused adult females, Seal Press, Seattle 1989, pgs 103-108 # 8220 ; Emotional Safety as a Bottom # 8221 ; , Dana Rosenfeld, The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, Lace Publications, Boston 1988, pgs 1-3 # 8220 ; Lessons From the Women Who Got Away # 8221 ; , Ginny NiCarthy, The Ones Who Got Away, adult females who left opprobrious spouses, Seal Press, Seattle 1987, pgs 294-308 Loveshock, how to retrieve from a broken bosom and love once more, Stephen Guillo, PhD and Connie Church, Simon and Schuster 1988, pgs 11-21, 43- 77, 90-95, 135-153, 165-181 # 8220 ; Mass Market Romance: Pornography for Women is Different # 8221 ; , Ann Barr Snitow, Powers of Desire, the political relations of gender, Monthly Review Press 1983, pgs 245-263 Naming the Violence: speech production out about sapphic banging, Seal Press, Seattle 1986 # 8220 ; The New Romanticism: Illusions and Realities # 8221 ; , Morton Hunt, The Natural History of Love, Minerva Press 1959, pgs 363-371 A ; 396 # 8220 ; Romantic love makes a good matrimony, Myth # 2 # 8243 ; , Arnold Lazarus PhD, Marital Myths, Impact Publishers 1985, pgs 12-17 Swept Away: why adult females fear their ain gender, Carol Cassell, PhD. , Simon and Schuster 1984, pg 26 # 8220 ; Dissolving Gender Roles # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 23 A ; 56 # 8220 ; Us and Them # 8221 ; , Maggie Scarf, The Family Networker, Sept/Oct 1989, pgs 62-67 # 8220 ; Whats Wrong With Relationships Today? # 8221 ; , Andrew Meacham, Changes, for and about grownup kids, Mar/Ap 1990, pgs 22-23, 52-54